The Good Humor Man can only be pushed so far.

This is a good episode of the Simpson, Two Dozen and One Dalmations. "See my vest, see my vest, it's a real gorilla chest!"

It's awesome.

Tagged by Neha

I am thinking about: how everything is miraculously interconnected and ultimately meaningless.

I want to: be cooler.

I wish: I had a small trust fund.

I hear: the fan, the tv, the clicking of the keyboard (I wouldn't have thought of that if I hadn't read neha's list first)

I wonder: how different things would be if just a little thing changed; like what if I never had a blog?

I regret: too much. I wish I had a time machine and I could go back and slap myself around.

I am: therefore I think. (I think that I am lame is what I think.)

I dance: not as much as I'd like. But I have to be in the right mood, or a little drunk, or both.

I sing: when I am driving.

I cry: like a silly little girl.

I make with my hands: obscene gestures.

I write: whatever pops into my head.

I confuse: left and right, positive and negative, order and degree.

I need: someone, a person to talk to.

And finally: what was the point of this? What wasn't the point of this? It's practically the point of everything!

I am tagging
jumper?
CN?
Bloppie?
Rainbow?
Voix?
Rand?
G-Herb?

While I'm blogging so prolifically...

may I immodestly say that this is the best blog URL I've seen the last couple of days?


http://paydayloanebaydietpillfreestuff.blogspot.com/

The content is worthless, but at least there's not much of it!

And so we are done...

I think Blogger is freaking out. Too much traffic? Had to reboot again anyway.

So glad The Office won! Great speech too. It's been said elsewhere, but this is the rare show where the cast looks way much better off the show than on. They really nail the office look. It's weird, when I started watching The Office, I was sure it was doomed, for any show that I like is surely doomed. It could get crappy this season. Shouldn't have said that. Now it's totally doomed.

24 won, I'm sure they deserved it, but I prefer House. I know that show is totally formulaic and predictable, and occasionally maudlin, more often smug, but I still like it. It's funny how a show can be so smart and so dumb at the same time. Reminds me of somebody...who? Who could it be? I know it's someone who lives in my apartment, but the name eludes me.

Next post: how to fix my computer. I was thinking of backing up all the shit I want to save on an external hard drive, then like, doing something that would take it back to the beginning but with a better OS. I don't know what it's called. I don't want to reformat the hard drive, do I? Or do I? Ok, I'll try that. :) See ya later.

Hour three: The insaning

Charlie's Angels: So much plastic surgery! Farrah Fawcett is getting twitchy. I can't wait til she jumps off the stage and starts stabbing Chris Meloni with a kitchen knife she hid in her bodice.

No? Not so much. I guess.

Boring speeches with shots of stars in the audience trying to look thoughtful. Some where in heaven Aaron Spelling is sleeping.

Eva Longoria looks sort of odd. I know my tv sucks, but is she completely orange all over?

Yeah! Colbert and Stewart! Can you tell I'm a fan? Ah good work. I'm mad Steve Colbert lost to Barry Manilow, too.

How do you choose the best reality show? Isn't that like choosing your favorite kind of poop? You know what I've noticed? Like, everyone I know except one or two people, enjoys reality tv on some level. Especially those who hardly ever watch tv, they're all "I don't watch much tv. I have better things to do." Then they find themselves, on a rainy afternoon watching hour after hour of Laguna Beach or Project Runway.

Wow. 9:26. I'm six minutes behind the broadcast. Jealous?

I'm bored but I can't stop watching and blogging and watching.
Perhaps it's because I have other shit to do. Nah, I never procrastinate.

Now it's the best part: All the People Who Died. I didn't realize how many cool people died. Richard Pryor, Darren McGavin, Al Lewis. I so sad. What a fucking downer! Christ.

I'm about a minute behind the broadcast; it's 9:35. Will somebody call me if Bob Newhart passes out?

My computer crashed again and lost my brilliant comments on Helen Mirren's 'ass over tit' comment. And the funniness that followed. I'm impressed that so many people are either able to improvise or deliver quickly written material so well.

How's this for insult added to injury? Five actresses, four from cancelled shows and the one who still has a job wins?
Damn, that's cold.

I didn't know Peter Krause's last name was pronounced 'krauzah'. Isn't he from Minnesota or something?

Kiefer Sutherland won for actor in a drama. Remember when Julia Roberts left him at the altar? No? Me neither.

Hour two

Hee. Damn.

Simon Cowell.
I don't understand people. How is this guy so popular/hated? I don't like American Idol, at all. And I'm going to fast forward thru most of the Dick Clark tribute.

...Aw, no. His speech was quite sweet.

Oh, a callback to the trapped-Bob-Newhart joke. Good times.

Evangaline Lilly: great dress. Creative arts Emmys: borrrring.

Guest stars on dramas are often the best part. Doesn't Christina Ricci look weird?

HBO has the most nominations this year, 95... I haven't had any premium channels since May and I didn't miss them after the first week. Except maybe Penn & Teller Bullshit. Why didn't that get nominated for something?
................
Howie Mandel and Megan Mullaly. Fast forward!

This is the lamest pseudo liveblogging ever. Actually I haven't read any liveblogging since I quit my daily Gawker/Defamer habit.

Ha! The director of the Emmys one for last year's Oscars. Sweet. You would think he'd keep his speech a bit shorter. THey're giving him the music! Ha! And he's directing the cameras thru out his speech. That was pretty cool.

LOL. Funny things happening on the teevee. Too complicated to ype. Wouldn't be funny anyway.

I'm glad I'm wasting my time like this.
>>>>>>>>>>>

Why didn't Colbert go up with the rest of the Daily Show guys? He was on their nominee list as a writer. Wouldn't that be a swell job? Lots of pressure however. I've heard that comedy is tragedy plus time. Their turnaround time on the tragedy that is world news is a bit too fast for me to keep up with sometimes.

Oh! Mah! God! TiVo just had a guest spot!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Hearing Hugh Laurie's real accent is kind of weird.... fortunately (?) he's speaking French.

I don't like Matthew Perry's hair! But he's still very funny.
Bradley Whitford is graying.
Both look swell in their suits. Grrr.

Don't know who to root for for best comedy actor except "not Charlie Sheen".
Eh Tony Shalhoug won, that's cool. He's acting all nervous and a bit Monk-ish... oh but it's all an act. I think Kevin James is going to kick his ass in the parking lot.
******************

What the fuck is Candace Bergin wearing?

It's 9:13. I'm at 8:55. Catchin' up!

Aaron Spelling tribute. Ok, I feel churlish, but fast forward! On to hour three... wait did whatsisface say "He made tv that just tasted good."? My, he was a goofy looking young man. Who actually looks better old and gnarled? Aaron Spelling does; god rest his soul.

The Emmy Awards

How dumb is this show? It's pretty dumb. Why am I still watching?
______________
No, it's really just the preshow that sucks. The entertainment reporters, particularly Billy Bush are snide and passive aggressive and at least half of the stars they snag for their interviews are visibly uncomfortable.
+++++

I'm watching this on TiVo, and I had to reboot my computer seventeen thousand times, so I'm about half an hour behind on the broadcast. It isn't exactly live blogging, but whatevers. The intro is pretty cool.

Conan O'Brien's plane crashes on the way to the Emmys. He ends up on The Lost's island, and decides to go down the mysterious hatch... which takes him to The Office. He climbs down, and Dwight goes, "Dammit, Jim!"

Jim: "No, I did not have Conan O'Brien drop down from the ceiling."

Then Michael makes a lame joke, Conan makes an Officey-type interview comment about the potential for "will they-won't they sexual tension that ultimately goes nowhere" with Pam and makes his exit.

Now he's on 24, and I don't care again.

Ooh, it's House. Good times. He's giving Conie whatfor. He seems to be diagnosing him as pasty and flaccid.
Now he's on South Park... the "In the closet" episode. So best!
Ooh big applause from the audience for calling Tom Cruise gay, or at least picturing him you know in the 'closet'.

Now Conan's on Dateline: To Catch A Predator. Conebone69. He makes a run for it. He's there, a-hosting. I'm 45 minutes behind the broadcast.

I used to like watching Late Night, but lately he's gotten a bit lame. Like he hits the punch lines too hard and aims for Leno-esque applause over edgy humor. He is doing well so far tonight... I don't know how much longer I can watch this. Thank Jebus for fast forward.

His instruction to winners: Don't thank your parents in your acceptance speech; if you grew up in a happy well-adjusted home you wouldn't be in show biz.

More goodness! A musical number! Take off of The Music Man. "We got trouble, with a capital T and that rhymes with G as in gee, we're screwed." About NBC of course.
Lerve it. Can't believe this is how I'm spending my Sunday night, this is much better than what I originally had planned.

Megan Mullally won. She annoys me, I'm skipping her speech.
+++++
If I keep skipping the winner's speeches I'll be caught up pretty quick.

I love the authoritarian/efficiency expert thing Conan is doing. He's got Bob Newhart in a sealed glass tube with exactly 3 hours worth of air. Better keep them speeches short.

================
Blythe Danner won! Awesome. And she looks great. Huff was a good show.

Will Arnett wuz robbed. Anybody disagree?

Kelly McDonald has a very pretty dress. I know I've seen her in something else, what was it? Love that accent.

8:24: I'm 40 minutes behind the broadcast. Who's even still reading? Bob Newhart looks nervous.

John Lithgow: lovably annoying. Heidi Klum reads surprisingly well.

How to pick between the Daily Show and the Colbert Report?
Do you think Jon and Stephen have tension? Jon's a producer on le Report, n'est pas? So anywhoo, The Daily Show won!

Cloris Leachman just shook her tits!
And while I was rooting for Arrested Development, the My Name is Earl dude gave a wonderful acceptance speech.

Movies I would really like to see

From Slate's movie title contest, inspired by the brilliantly named Snakes on a Plane.

Apes at a Rave
That's Not Sangria!
Handcuffed to Tigers
Stop Doing Crimes!
Woody Allen Is Too Old For This
The Uplifting Retard (yeah, it's offensive. it's meant to be)
This Movie Effing Scared Japanese Color

I just put on black nail polish.

It seemed like the thing to do.

I also just heard a good quote from a commercial for Monk: "It's going to be a great party. I'm not completely dreading it." I elected to stay home and vegetate in front of the teevee in lieu of my many exciting invites to various society events: charity balls, seances, waterskiing shows, bars.

A few days ago on NPR, a few campaign staffers were touting the merits of their particular candidates. One said of Mike Hatch "You gotta admire his skepticism."

I don't know. I was going to vote for him, but he comes off as a bit of a douchebag. And he doesn't play well with others, but that worked out great with Ventura, right? Thus ends my cogent, insightful political analysis.

Anybody want to tell me who to vote for?

Will you still be my friend if I wear black nail polish?

Just got back from the mall. I have some bad news.

E (crapnasty) is the one who brought this issue up, I mean I noticed, but she really brought it into focus. I don't think she's going to blog about it, so it's my job to share this bad news. Ok, the 80s are back, and not like last year or the year before, but in a big, awful way. Some people can do the look (like the fine women of Ear Candy and many others of my acquaintance), I don't think most can. Leggings? The skinny jean? Oversized sweater, in fuschia stripes accented with a big ol' belt.

We discussed stock piling boot cut jeans in case the skinny-skinny legged jeans threaten to take over the stores like the extreme low-rise did so very recently. It's not a flattering look for most women, and you know what comes next? Looser pants, but tapered. After all the missionary work Oprah has done along with the ladies from the British show What Not To Wear.

I feel like TiVo really "gets me" today, you know?

While I was at work it recorded The Shop Around the Corner and The Princess Bride. What a pal!

It's that time of year

Coming up on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Ok, it's like 3 weeks away, but between that and Hurricane Katrina's first anniversary, you know, I want to avoid all the misery retrospectives coming down the pike. I don't want to see any movies about it, any news specials or footage from the day. I don't want to read about it, see pictures of Ground Zero and the families. I don't want to hear politicians make speeches. I don't want to read dumbass blogs about it : ). I can't believe it's been five years, can you?

I think I will stop listening to NPR for a couple of weeks, switch the radio back to Lite 99 for a bit, because I imagine they'll be all newsy on that shit. Is it self-centered or something, if I avoid reading, watching, hearing all the tributes and stuff? Remember that fall, being glued to the TV for weeks? Whenever the new fall tv shows come out, I remember how they pushed back all the premieres that year. Remember the celebrities, dressing down for the Emmy's out of respect? How nice.

I was watching the Today Show before work that day, which I never did, and haven't since. Remember the dawning realization, the second plane hitting? The papers from all those offices floating through the sky? Some assholes are marketing a September 11th memorial collectible coin. The World Trade Center folds up and it's made from metal from the vaults under the World Trade Center. Who wouldn't want to own that?

It's raining like a sumbitch again.

Learn more about yourself.

Take the CIA Career Quiz!


It's way dumb!

Some days, nothing goes right.

What does TiVo think of me?

Tivo sometimes uses the extra DVR space to record stuff for me that it thinks I will like. It recorded Legends of the Fall, A Few Good Men and While You Were Sleeping for me last night. Now, I've seen these movies, and they are ok but not anything I'd seek out to watch; I'm going to delete them forthwith. Currently it's recording Meet the Parents and at least twice a week I get an episode of The Twilight Zone. One Friday it recorded three straight hours of home improvement type shows like While You Were Out, Debbie Travis' Painted House and the oddly-named I Want That! Kitchens.

TiVo has these little keys, Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down that you use to indicate shows you like or hate. So I guess I must have liked something related to these shows... Yep, I clicked on a couple of Brad Pitt movies, hence Legends of the Fall. And according to TiVo, Meet the Parents and A Few Good Men are both 'similar programs' to Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Sometimes I get mildly offended by some of the things TiVo suggests for me. Like what makes you think I want to watch Cribs? Or any reality show, especially on MTV? I'm trying to think what I clicked on to give that impression.

The Daily Show's list of similar programs is fairly spot on. It lists Chappelle's Show, Arrested Development, Scrubs (my favorite cancelled or nearly cancelled shows). Also, Office Space, The Office, SNL, South Park, The Simpsons.

Because I used to record the X-Files regularly, all manner of inferior sci-fi is recommended for me. Don't they get it? Stargate is not the same! And I thumbsed up (yeah, I said thumbsed up) Starsky & Hutch (the movie, for the butterscotch stallion, natch) and TiVo thinks that means I wanna watch The Whole Ten Yards? You don't know me at all!

There have been some software updates recently that I have found discomfiting. Fer instance, instead of Pick Programs to Record, the menu now invites me to Find Programs. And there's a Recently Deleted Items folder, so if you accidentally hit delete, the Very Special Episode of Blossom isn't gone and lost forever, you can recover that shit if you want. It's convenient but it's weird and new and upsetting.

There are also little ads at the bottom, for movies, cars, Disneyland; you just click on it to play the ad or request information. One of the ads says TiVo wants me to throw it a party? (What a weird marketing thing. Check out http://www.houseparty.com. Huh? Coffee house party? K-Mart house party?)

Would you go to a TiVo party? Any pretext for a party is great, but TiVo isn't as party friendly as say, Tupperware or sex toys. If for some bizarre reason I do end up having the TiVo party -- or tupperware and/or sex toys for that matter -- I wouldn't expect anyone to buy stuff. That's not what a party should be about. It's supposed to be about drinking, people, and we shouldn't sully that with commerce.

DEATH TO CAPS LOCK?

This seems slightly excessive. It's annoying when abused, but I have two programs at work that require all caps, well I guess it just makes using them way easier, but anyways. They are proposing doing away with the key entirely because of annoying people who abuse it and because with case-sensitive passwords, sometimes you gotta retype it if you have caps lock on. Boo hoo. Who has the energy to turn this into their big cause?

Here's the story from Wired.

Conclusion: kids are dumb

On Dateline they had this story about food advertising to kids and how well it works. The reporter did a little experiment: show a bunch of preschoolers two cupcakes, one decorated with a frosting American flag (wouldn't eating the flag be as direspectful as, say, burning it?) and and one with Spider Man. They chose Spider Man every time, little commie bastards.

Then the newsteam upped the ante: what if the kids had to choose between a plain cupcake and a banana covered with Spider Man, Scooby Doo and Spongebob stickers? The tiny, adorable idiots overwhelmingly chose the banana.

Then, oh! then, they did the final test: sticker-free banana vs. rock with cartoon stickers and asked the tykes which one they would want for breakfast. Most of the kids chose the rock. Now, this wasn't scientific, they didn't give the stats, there was no double blind. Just a bunch of shots of kids pointing at decorated rocks. There was one hilarious exchange. The reporter chick kept repeating "No, for breakfast. No, for breakfast," and the little girl was like, yeah, I know, I want that one, Spongebob wouldn't steer me wrong.

So we shouldn't advertise to lil kids because they are dumb enough to fall for it? Whatevs, I'm going to let the free market sort this out.

Healthy goodness from WebMD

Club drug cures depression? I know, right? It's medicinal, bitch.
Don't be a sucker. Harriet would love this.
What not to mix with your booze. But I like being combative and agitated when I drink.
Fizzy drinks don't cause cancer. Suddenly that soda is oddly less alluring.
Naps help babies learn. Stupid lazy babies, always looking for an excuse.

Did you know ...

An Inconvenient Truth has a soundtrack/music video tie in? Shit. Polar bears are drowning, people! I gotta get to Glacier National Park while it still has glaciers. Fuck. I knew watching VH1 was a bad idea. The environment is a pain in the ass, I say we get rid of it. At least I watched this video on fast forward. But now I really wanna see Al Gore's multi-million dollar Power Point movie. And I'm still not interesting in the music of Melissa Etheridge. Borrring!

Now I'm watching Snow Patrol, very interesting, the guy is singing about how he'll lay here, just lay here. And in the video he just lays there and sings in a variety of settings. Mountainside, floor of a subway car (very unhygeinic). Boring song but ok for background music.

And that concludes my music video review.

Oh a filing we will go

New jobs can be interesting, or very dull, or sort of a mix of both. I did some overtime last night and tonight. I am just doing some sort of filing crap. It's sort of tedious, mind numbing, time consuming. My boss and I are fine with the first two, it's the last one that is causing a problem. Today she actually told me she finds it hard to believe that I only got x amount of work done in y amount of time (where x and y are some numbers I can't remember).

So I tried to go a lot faster tonight, be more efficient (she has little notes about efficiency all over her office), but it still took a hella long time. Still not done. She'll probably be pissed, but what are ya gonna do?

Another funny website name?

www.viagrafix.com

'Via graphics', but spelled different, get it? No?

At the end of the weekend.

I only made it to one of the hospitals today, MINCEP at Abbot Northwestern. My 2nd oldest brother has been there for about a week. Hopefully he will have his seizures better managed -- maybe completely gone but can't get our hopes up too high. My parents and one of my other brothers went to visit him, we watched movies and hung out. It's a pretty swanky hospital, if he wasn't all wired up and had to stay in the department and maybe if he could go outside once or twice a day for a smoke, it wouldn't be so bad.

A handy resource

Movie quotes

Good times.

I don't feel so good, so I came home early tonight. No good reason except maybe I overdid it last night and it's just hitting me now? Oh well, what are ya gonna do? I'm going to drink some water and go to sleep. Seriously, what the hell?

Ok. That went well.

The show-thing at the Ritz Theater. It was a good time. If you missed it, I pity you, but the podcast should be available somewhere or other eventually, perhaps.

I'm a bit tired today, but there's lots o'weekend to go. Today: work at the candle store, out to the bar for whatshisface's birthday, then tomorrow I may get to visit as many as two hospitals (don't worry, nobody's dying)! Very exciting.

I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head, perhaps some of them can be expressed in blog form.
Um, people are awesome? I like sitting in a yard. Talking to some people I know and others I don't know, but who know people that I know and have very interesting things to say. Further more, I forgot how much I like the smell of an empty theater. And I had a sidecar for the first time. Quite a delicious drink that is.

Longer posts to come!

Thrill to a tale of grocery shopping gone mildly awry!

Look at pictures of kittens stolen from other websites!

Click on links to an article about some damn thing from Slate or maybe The Village Voice!


Read about the controversial switch from Brach's mixed candy to sugarfree mints in the candy bowl at work and also read my weak, poorly defended attempt to turn it into a metaphor about life!

All this and more... coming soon.

"I don't think adequate is quite the superlative you thought it was."

I'm really going to bed now. At least I'm going to lay on the couch and not think, watch tv, etc. Nope, no etc. Just watch tv and and not think.

Living hell is the best revenge.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff

The consolation of philosophy

There is probably a book called that or something, I don't know and I'm too lazy to google.

I was disappointed but now I'm not.

I've been watching NewsRadio on Nikelodeon. I was beginning to think the show had lost the je ne sais quoi, zat certain zomezing I always loved about it. Then I saw this episode:
"Well, you ripped out its heart, and shoved it down its throat. Then you put the whole thing through a meat grinder, then you cooked it up, ate it with a spoon and barfed it back onto a cassette tape."
Remember that one? This line too: The! crack! of! the! bat! the! roar! of! the! crowd! And Speedo Freedom, or Speedom.
Good stuff.

ha ha ha ha

Unintentionally funny web URLs.
Very funny stuff.

Count Your Blessings -- and Your Money: Money Matters - Yahoo! Finance

Count Your Blessings -- and Your Money: Money Matters - Yahoo! Finance

I think I was talking about this subject with somebody this weekend. I agree with Suze Orman. Money can't buy happiness, but being flat broke can sure make you unhappy pretty quick. It's not about how much money you have, just that you have just enough and how you use it.