Here are some money saving tips.

Do some of them seem a little crazy? Yes, I think so.

from the Debt-Proof Living Newsletter. Reading it has not made me debt-proof, but it does freak me out sometimes.

LAST BIT: Everybody knows that you roll up a toothpaste tube when it gets to the end. But if you unwind it and snip off a tiny corner of the bottom, you will find there is a lot more in there. -- Lorraine H., Illinois

JUICE TRAP: Instead of using a cutting board for fruits and veggies, I use a pizza pan or an old metal pie pan. This way, nothing slides off the board. -- Lorraine H., Illinois

KNEE WRAP: Need a wrap for an arthritic knee? Cut toes out of a stretch sock. Pull it over your knee with the heel over your kneecap. It stays in place and is warm, comfortable, washable and reusable. -- Catherine S., Illinois

GUM REMOVER: I have found that Ronsonol lighter fuel works to remove gum residue from price tags. You don't have to use a spoon or knife to loosen gum, and you don't have to rinse. -- Dave J., Washington (Caution: Lighter fluid is, of course, flammable and should be used in this way with extreme caution and out of the presence of children. -- M.H.)

GIFT SACK: Pillowcases can become useful "wrapping paper" at Christmas time. Pick out a festive print for each child at the dollar table at your local Wal-Mart. Fill the pillowcase with the gifts, and include another pillowcase if the child has a double bed. Tie with a big red ribbon and attach a bow and nametag. -- Bea H., North Carolina

ALL-PURPOSE CLEANER: For homemade window cleaner, pour 1 pint rubbing alcohol and 2 pints nonsudsing household ammonia into a 1-gallon container. Fill the rest of the container with water. Add two drops of Dawn liquid detergent. Pour into spray bottle. I have wonderful results using this solution to clean stoves, carpet spots, counters, tile and, of course, windows. -- Jeannette B., Illinois (Always label cleaners clearly and keep well out of the reach of children and pets. -- M.H.)

I'm so disappointed in psychotic people right now.

Researchers followed psychotics through the voting process in 2004 and found a “correlation between the severity of a person’s psychosis and their preferences for president. The more psychotic the voter, the more likely they were to vote for Bush,” according to Bush’s hometown newspaper.

Can you believe it? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know, it's not exactly a mindblowing revelation. There always seems to be a new study out that purports to empirically prove the stupidness of America. No wonder so much of the right wing doesn't trust intellectuals.

Wonkette, Gawker and Defamer not only give you all the important news and pictures of icky celebrities partially naked that you could ever want, they can also help build your vocabulary. For instance, adding -tard to the end of any word instantly heps up your writing. Celebutard, yuptard, cracktard. See how awesome that is? Also, just look at how many variations there are on the humble douche bag: Douché (rhymes with touché), douchoiserie (douche plus bourgeoisie of course)... I don't know, lots of others.

I'm tired.

A list

I can't think of anything substantial to write about, because here is what I am thinking about instead of substantial things:
-butterscotch candies
-chapstick
-parts of showtunes, mostly the chorus but sometimes more.
-scented candles
-the news
-television

There's always a Danny

Any Aaron Sorkin fans out there? Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, The West Wing, Sports Night? His shows always have their own charming moments and really fucking annoying moments. Studio 60 has moments that are incredibly erudite (like, smart enough for people who don't like to watch 'the idiot box') but has more moments, lately, that are painfully pretentious, arrogant and self-righteous.

It could be a good show; it could be a much better show than it is. But I love this parody: Aaron Sorkin writes a show about baseball.

DANNY
I only became a pitcher because of her.

LEO
Does she know that?

DANNY
She knows that a human arm is not supposed to throw a baseball 100 miles per hour. And she knows that Jesus Christ could strike out Babe Ruth every at bat for ten years without so much as a rotator tear. But to answer your question – what was your question again?

It's benefits time! Yay!

If you are lucky enough to have access to benefits like a Flexible Spending Account, here's a cool tool I found linked on Lifehacker that will help you estimate your costs and savings.

WageWorks Health Care FSA Savings Calculator

I could save a couple hundred bucks on taxes if I use my FSA right next year. And like my workplace's Aflac rep says, if you get to the end of the year and you have money left in your account, you can stock up on over the counter drugs, contact lens solution, first aid sundries or whatever. My lazy paperwork-avoidance side has to duke it out with my cheapskate side to decide if I'll contribute to my account and how much.

Oh come on!

From Cuteoverload.com, of course.

Don't hide, kitty. You are not good at it!

Don't be emo...

Be supremo.

JJ's nephew said that to another kid the other day, at JJ's jewelry party. He also offered the alternative version: Don't be emo, be extremo.

Personally I prefer the supremo. Either one is good advice.

Do not ask me for directions

I got lost tonight. Spent 45 minutes driving to get to someplace about ten minutes from my home. I think for a while there I was on Mrs. Todd's Shortcut, only the longcut version. I went to a party that JJ (jumper) was throwing. It was a jewelry party. I have gotten a whole freaking lot of jewelry lately; it's been a lot of fun! But the getting lost thing... I have such mad skills. I have like dyslexia but with places. I have a vague and fuzzy picture in my mind of where I am and where I want to go, and in between the two there is a vaguer and fuzzier darkness.

I wish there was a vitamin I could take to make me smarter at this type of thing.

wheeeeee

So today I was picking up whackly's wii at the mall today. Anyway, best part was when the chick asked me if I wanted 'security' to walk me back to my car with it. I said, with my usual skill at talking, "Is that....like..... a thing?" By which I meant, huh? Am I going to be robbed? No, I didn't require an escort to my car. No one even tried to rob me.

Whackly was in Wisconsin with his family and he would have like died or something if he couldn't get the Wii sooner, so he gave me the reciepts. And he repaid the favor by giving me a christmas stocking filled with jam and explosives.

Milton Friedman died.

I was all like, he was still alive? Wow.

Ladies' Aid

Well, to continue my thoughts on churches and perhaps elicit yours, the day of my grandma's funeral we went to three different churches: One for the service, one for the burial and one where the family got together to sort photos and send thank yous. I wasn't bothered by these churches, of course I had other stuff on my mind.

I didn't know the ladies' aids were still in business. I hadn't really thought of them in years. I remember teachers in elementary school asking us if we were holding a meeting of the ladies aid if we chatted too much in class. Now, these were small-town or no-town churches, so I don't know if it's like this everywhere. At the first one, for a small donation to the church, they made lunch for 150 people and cleaned it up. You know the midwestern lunch? hotdishes? bars? buns? koolaid? gallons and gallons of coffee?

The no-town church is Stordahl. It's where my mom went as a kid. I tried to take a picture of her and my aunts and uncles confirmation pictures, but they turned out totally creepy, weird reflections and suchlike. If I ever get them scanned I'll post them. It wouldn't shock me if that place was haunted.

I'm not religious but I understand that churches are good for a lot of things. Like community support types of things. Ladies' aid rocks.

Wedding

I went to a wedding this weekend. It was very lovely, and I got to see some people I hadn't seen for a very long time. I didn't talk to anybody very much, because I left the reception pretty early. (Sorry, Mr. Groom, if you are reading this. It was very lovely!)

The last time I went to a Catholic wedding, I was maybe nine. I think chuches are weird, don't you? No, no one else does.

dammit

Everytime I try to post my computer freezes up. Must type fast. Any tips? New computer, right? Maybe it's a sign I should be watching more tv instead of blogging.

Later skaters.

the writinging

The novel, shee ees not going so weeell. Oh well, it'll be a novella. A short story. A blurb.

\

http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/cc_insider/cc_indecider/index.html

Wow.

It looks like Hatch is winning. And Klobuchar is leading by a lot, as predicted. The run up to the election was so exquisitely borrrrrrring, but I'm enjoying watching the results roll in. For the first time in six years!
-Keith Ellison is winning, I believe it's been called. not my district but he seems like a cool guy
-Wetterling is trailing slightly. there's still time. Wow. Her party is at the Red Carpet. I bet the owners of that establishment didn't vote for her. Hard to say though.

10:03 Now Wetterling is trailing... ok, I will just wait to see what happens.

Looks like Wonkette's stepmom is losing.

10:24 I'm watching the Daily Show/Colbert Report combo deally. It's neat.

Crafty Britney

Britney Spears filed for divorce from whatsis, K-Fed, today. Smooth of her to do it on election day, no? LOL. It should get less play on CNN. All mindless television viewers owe her our thanks.

i voted

Pretend the headline is a red sticker. Unsurprisingly, there were problems with the new voting machines in some areas of the country. And it seems to me like Bush was acting cocky about Republican's keeping control of both houses, so the logical conclusion is there's a massive plot to disenfranchise everybody. Nah.

Here you go.

I'm trying to make this amusingly lousy instead of just lousy, but whatever. Here is part of the thing I am writing. I am way behind on word count, so I'm throwing in everything I can, craft and elegance be damned. I think perhaps this would invite the scorn of some writers who are real writers, but it is just a thing to do.

Here's an excerpt if you don't wish to click, for which I do not blame you.

Her cat (a brown, black, tan and white colored cat whose front claws had been removed two years ago) was sitting and grooming herself on an ottoman that matched her brown floral side chair, but at the sound of the loud gasp the cat, whose name was Snitty that week, because Liz knew the cat didn't care what her name was so she changed it every week, jumped and hissed and ran to hide under Liz's bed in her bedroom.

yee ha

I drank two shots last night without getting sick. It was a fun party, {[thanks for inviting me, R]}. I also met another blogger, The Pirate of Selby Avenue. Furthermore, I drank two shots without getting sick. I said that already, but it amazes me. I guess they weren't that strong. The first shot was a Mexican herbal licoricey tasting thing; I can not remember what it was called other than than it started with an X and had many consonants in a row. This is not an effect of the alcohol I'm pretty sure, just a long ass name. The second shot was sake. I think the reason I didn't die (or wish for death this morning) was that it wasn't tequila. I also had some lovely umeshu, Japanese plum wine. Never had that before.

Nah, no.

So I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year. Because somebody (RMGS, ahem) said I should. It started yesterday, so I have plenty of time to give up. You are supposed to average 1667 words a day to make it to the 50,000 word goal. I guess that's what makes it a novel for these purposes. My 'novel' is terrible, but I'll totally post parts maybe. So far the characters ate lunch, then they took a community education class.

Since the emphasis is quantity over quality, I think it would be a snap, except for the time issue. I think the characters will be wearing clothes that take a long time to describe, and have weird dreams, and discussions that are pointless and trivial. I described the plot to one friend as a Lifetime movie meets the Simpsons (and, no, it's not autobiographical), and as horrible as that sounds the end product will actually be much worse. I am so psyched.