Big night in: A big long post

I went to my friend's apartment tonight. She is in a crisis, a pivotal moment in her life. Another friend came over too, she is staying overnight and going back home in the morning. We talked and talked and talked. We baked cookies, watched tv. Talked some more. About what jail was like, stuff like that. It was a good night.

People have asked my why I even bother with this crisis-friend anymore, after all the shit that has gone down. I guess I was waiting for something like this to happen. I wish it hadn't, but as I posted before it could have been worse. Don't you believe in redemption? I do.

(By the way, the incident happened slightly different than they reported in the paper, let me know if you want details. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, if you're really curious e-mail me. It's not exactly a secret, but it's not what this post is really about.)

So, she is finally acknowledging her problem with alcohol. She is going for treatment. She is letting us tell her that she is neither perfect nor awful, she is just a human being. Right now, she is full of fear and humility and wants so bad to stay sober. She's paving hell with energy and good intentions. She thought everyone would hate her when her big secret came out. She knows she did a horrible thing and she will be paying for it for a long time. But, miraculously, her friends, family, boyfriend, even co-workers are standing behind her.

I am not trying to minimize her responsibility, her past bad behavior, all the fucked up things that have happened. There's no way I could or that I would even want to. She commited a very serious offense. We will not try to allay her guilt. We will not take her bullshit anymore. Those of us who didn't know everything that was going on are thinking back and wondering how they missed it. Those of us who knew way too much about it are torn between wishing we could have helped her and knowing we couldn't fix her. Maybe, she will learn that people (like me) who she thought abandoned her, were hating the way she was acting, not hating her. Well, sometimes I did hate her. I don't have the energy to hate her or be mad at her right now. It doesn't do anything for me.

I've complained about this friend a lot. I have cut her from my friends list a couple of times over the ten years we've known each other. I know that it may take a few tries for her to get off the sauce, and handle all the stuff that comes along with it. I'm willing to give being her friend a try.

I was going to write something about lessons to be learned, friendship and how it gets all fucked around. I don't know. I'm tired. I will say, how often do you get a chance to really help someone out? And hey, I won't stop being your friend even if you may be charged with a felony or two. Really.