Crapnasty starts school next month. I am super excited for her, and jealous. I've thought about going back to school, but it gives me the creeping willies. My plan is to go back someday.
Anyway, CN has her student ID, and the picture is really good. She got all her classes, but she doesn't have her books yet. I think she should get those cool Lisa Frank folders with the freaky looking kittens, but I doubt she'll agree. She is tolerant but not encouraging of my blogging about her new adventure. Does anyone have advice for our friend embarking on her new student career? Note well, she didn't actually ask for this advice, so don't worry about your advice being taken. My advice: Watch out for upperclassmen. They like freshman girls because "they don't know any better." Like that guy, you know, your husband? I think he digs you.
College Advice from Lucas
ReplyDeletePopcorn for lunch + all night kegger at the frat = humiliating walk of shame in the morning. Splurge on the supersized meal. You won't be sorry.
um, buy all your books for clas son-line, so they don't rip you the hell off. During my distinguished career at St. Olaf I bought my textbooks from this homesless guy in the park, who said he had a website that was invisible.
ReplyDeleteI miss that guy.
Beer bong. Don't eat too much before you do it though. Nothing worse than seeing a beer go down then pizza come back up. Don't forget your sweat pants. I had a freshman 35 (pounds). Cheeseburgers. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteEither show up for class or study. Doing both is OK, if redundant. Doing neither tends to lead to trouble.
ReplyDeleteif somebody offers you marijuana decline politely and then pinch off their bag when they aren't looking.
ReplyDeletedon't take the blame for a theft out of fear that the real culprit will cap your ass.
if a writing teacher assigns a two page work of either fiction using characters based on your family members and the exploitation of a non-existent character flaw don't show you a+ to your step-sister who will, no doubt, leave it someplace her snoopy mother will find it and completely ignore the fact that the story was fiction and followed the assignement exactly and was so ridiculous that nobody could actually believe it was true and kick you out of the house for writing disrespectful things about your father so you have to move back into either the dorms or an apartment but you can't afford either because you broke your knee in a car accident a few months before and don't have a car anymore so you leave school and move to MN to live with a friend who moves out a week after you get there which forces you to move in with her borther in st. cloud who turns out to be some sort of psycho alki dope addict so you take a job managing an apartment building in sauk rapids to get away from him there you meet a sweet girl and get married but eventually end up working at some shit-hole cable company owned by an energy company that sells your company's competitor's products to people who call in to start or transfer electrical service.. oh and you had a pefect child with that sweet girl somewhere in there too
whackly, that's a lot of advice.
ReplyDeletewell my homeless guy with the invisible website died of exposure and since you had already used your homeless guy with an invisible website anyway i just figure i would strike out with something different
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