one of my brothers sent this to me. verrrry interesting

Fun

The Sen. Allen Insult Generator

This one is fancy:

Shakespearean Insult Generator

This one is gross:

Ebaum's World Random Insult Generator

It's ok, right,

to not have a favorite color? A favorite movie? Book, car, tv show? Person? Mutual fund?

I can't think of any favorites, like the one most favorite, of anything right now. I guess black is my favorite color, except I don't really want to claim that as part of my identity. Have you ever seen those cheesy magazine articles about What Your Favorite Color Says About You? Nothing good, my friend, nothing good.

Today's word. Totally.

vertiginous \vur-TIJ-uh-nuhs\, adjective: 1. Affected with vertigo; giddy; dizzy. 2. Causing or tending to cause dizziness. 3. Turning round; whirling; revolving. 4. Inclined to change quickly or frequently; inconstant.

Vertiginous derives from Latin vertigo, "a turning round, a whirling round; giddiness," from vertere, "to turn." Related words include reverse, "to turn back (re-) or around"; subvert, "to undermine" (from sub-, "under" + vertere -- at root "to turn from under, to overturn"); and versus, "against" (from versus, "turned towards," hence "facing, opposed," from the past participle of vertere). Dictionary.com Entry and Pronunciation for vertiginous

Stuff people did at my old job that would not fly at my current job

I did not personally do all the things on this list.


-Crossword puzzles/sudoko

-Homework

-Sewing, quilting, knitting, scrapbooking.

-Any computer game

-Checking personal e-mail

-Catching up on your blog reading

-Online shopping. Online anything that isn't online working.

-Covering somebody's desk with post it notes when they are gone for a few days (that's wasting supplies! Think bonus, dammit!)

-Covering somebody's desk with balloons

-Adding confetti to an inflated balloon, pinning it to the ceiling above someone's desk, then trying to throw pens at the balloon to get the balloon to pop.

-Making darts from t-pins and flower pens and using them to pop balloons. Screaming with laughter.

-Putting staplers and remote controls into balloons.

-Hooking up a Playstation to the company's tv-on-a-cart, playing during work, and staying after work is done to keep playing.

-Work on your home business, stuffing envelopes, making calls, doing your taxes, filling out financial aid forms, making and receiving dozens and dozens of personal calls

-Spinning in your chair until you get dizzy and/or nauseous.

-Excercising at your desk (LOL. Self magazine? 60 second fat blast? In Shape with Sharon Mann? Good times.)

I know I'm missing lots of good stuff. What though?




-

Hey,guess what?

Tuesday is

Talk Like a Pirate Day!!

Celebrate with someone you love. Or by yourself, muttering to yourself in pirate talk in the middle of the grocery store.

Wash away your sins

This is kind of interesting. I guess it makes sense.

I was away from the interweb all weekend long. I didn't miss it but it was good to catch up on blogs, e-mail and whatnot when I got back.

Whatnot is a cool word.

Hey, whatever reinfabulates your misogynator...

All up in your ambifacient lunar wanescan.

This is what it sounds like when anybody tries to explain haute tech to me.

I can't think

of anything to write. Well, yes, I can, but too many things.
Here's a quick list:

I went to a friend's house for dinner; she showed me her 60 day sobriety medal. We ate roast beef and potatoes with carrots and onions. I brought cupcakes for dessert.

Then we watched House. I like that show, it's somehow predictable and edgy at the same time.

In tonight's episode the kid thought he was being abducted by aliens but actually he absorbed his twin in the womb and that's what made him sick or something. I'm not sure, I didn't actually read the link I used above.

What I am sure of: Fox's House website has a page called "Research: To help fuel all your hypochondriacal tendencies". Doesn't have the zygote absorbing stuff from tonight's episode.

It also has a list of House-isms. I haven't found the perennial favorite "Everybody lies." It's so reassuring yet bleak -- see, this show is a study in contradictions!

Gnarls Barkley's new single is a cover of Violent Femmes' Gone Daddy Gone. I like it. I like how he sings every lyric quite clearly even though they may be slurred/screeched in the original. As in, "I could you love you babys a crime." Or is it cryin'?

You may know their (his? is it a guy or a band?) ubiquitous song about "maybe you're crazy, maybe I'm crazy, probably." You know the one? Here's what this song has achieved: the first radio station I heard it on was Drive 105 (alternative). The next station was KCLD (top forty pop/rock/hip hop in St. Cloud). The next was probably Cities 97 or Kiss 96. But the last? Mix 94.9. Next stop is Light 99! Maybe! Maybe it's already there! This is unusual!

At work, scheduling is complicated. Jen, how did you do it?

How does anyone do anything? I really want to know.

Another friend was telling me about her new house. It's in Colorado in a place called Pooter Canyon. Ok, it's actually Poutier Canyon, but everybody pronounces it Pooter. It's near Fort Collins. Sounds very cool. Their backyard will be adjacent to a mountain. Can't beat that.

I broke my September 11th resolution

and listened to NPR today. Most of the day I had it turned down so low it was an indistinguishable murmur.

In Memoriam

I feel remiss in not posting this sooner.

I thought you should know that Jerry the Turtle, who inspired the name of this blog over a year ago, has passed on. After a long illness, and an abundance of medical attention for such a little guy, he left this world about a week and a half ago if I remember correctly.

He leaves behind him his girlfriend Mary and some little fish in his tank that he stopped catching and eating since he got sick. Also crapnasty and the boys. In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that friends honor Jerry's memory through Amnesty International.

They actually requested no such thing.

My morning so far

I just realized I've been watching Dick Cheney on Meet the Press for the past half hour.

Turning the channel to a Bette Davis movie and going online seemed like an excellent alternative to madness.

Of course I could be doing many more virtuous, rewarding, productive, and/or cool things.

This is what happens while you ask your stupid questions

The other side of the phone line.

Actually, this is clean. I never did this (HA!) but I have heard that CSRs sometimes hit the mute button to let their co-workers know that the person on their current call is, perhaps, a fucking douchebag motherfucker.

Good times. I miss it so.

The ultimate blog post?

From Wired by way of Cute Overload.

FARK: Drunk frat boy in Florida has sex with underage donkey, sues Strong Bad for negligence. Still no cure for overused in-jokes.

Slashdot: AMD, SCO patent MP3 over TCP/IP, sue ATI, EA. Microsoft probably responsible somehow.

Cute Overload: A kitten licks a puppy while the puppy licks a bunny.

Fleshbot: Same as Cute Overload, only with coeds.

I'm trying to think what would be the ultimate post for this blog... a link to something I read or something that pisses me off or a thing that happened at work.

How about for your own blog?

News that isn't surprising

You know those ads about how if you smoke pot you'll inevitably run over a precious little tyke with your car, you stoned loser you? Well, appaaaaaarantly, that ad and the rest of the series didn't work. And the government sat on the results for a year. In fact most big drug deterrence programs, like DARE and shit like that are a total waste of taxpayers money. No, wait, worse than a waste of money: kids who are exposed to these ads were actually MORE likely to use drugs. And not for the reasons the ads bother me, that they are manipulative and inaccurate; just because they keep mentioning drugs, keep them at the top of the kiddies' fragile lil minds.

Back in the day was when we had the really cool anti-drug ads. I was watching a Scrubs re-run last night when they referenced the "I learned it from watching you, Dad!" one. That was cool. I thought I was the only one who remembered that. Anybody remember the one for smoking with the classic line (the only part I can remember) "He's all slimy and gross and smells like a butt!"?

What's your favorite anti-drug propaganda?

WhatEVER!

I remember a few (maybe more than a few?) months ago I was talking to a couple of friends, one of whom was also at a company that was being sold to some chump-ass company. She asked me what I wanted to do next. I said I was thinking about human resources. She and her husband gasped. "No! Don't become one of those evil soulless machines!"

In my current job, I have a few soulless machine responsibilities, such as schedules, and I'm almost beginning to see how it can, you know, start to get to you. People want to change their damn schedules all the damn time!

Everybody is pretty cool in my department, but then, how would I know if we were evil or not? I'm on the inside, man. I got no perspective.

We're totally not evil, though, I'm pretty sure. Just fill out your fucking form right the first time and we won't have any problems, capisce?

Interesting blogs and websites

...some that I may have linked before, but I'm too lazy to check.

Worker 3116. Last week's Gawker guest editor. He's got a lot of funny funny hate to share.

One Horse Shy. funny t-shirts, so rare on the web these days.

Oriental Trading Company. Omigod, Halloween is coming! Time to stock up on spooky webs and glow in the dark random shit. I love Halloween. It's my personal favorite in the triumvirate of party holidays. The other two are New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day.

Misemployed. Funny Mpls blogger with the her own take on the usual day to day struggles of life and an interesting part-time job.

Afterglide. Another Minneapolitan; this one's a North Dakota native, obsessed with poop. Funny.

A night at the Ritz

I went to the Lit6 season premiere last night. Chris asked me to help her at the door. It was fun, and I got in free. And we got to use handstamps. I was a bit caught up in taking money, making change, asking people if they wanted the red stamp, the blue stamp or one of each (I totally recommend one of each), and crossing names off The List, that I forgot to tally how many people came in. I think more than 150, less than 200.

Highlights in no order:
-When Steph saw me walking towards the theater, she announced, "Something Dirty this way comes!"
-I met Rand. He is very cool. I'm not just saying that because he reads this.
-All the ladies from the writing class were there: Chris (of course), Heidi, Ginny, and Haley. I miss those guys, writing and talking and drinking wine with them.
-At any given time the universe is giving you what you need.
-Can openers, and pens were mentioned.
-The beer was excellent. The theater is gorgeous, the restrooms well appointed, the water fountains dispensing deliciously cold water.
-I told Geoff's mom she should go check out the gift bags from the Smitten Kitten. Heh. I don't think she picked one up.
-I do know those things went like hotcakes, hotcakes with free lube that is. There was a variety of bags, some including items with multiple speeds. One lucky man was brandishing his new cock rings -- on his hands -- after the show.
-The band Big Trouble performed too. They are having guest bands at all the shows this season I think.
-I picked up a copy of The Rake, another show sponsor along with the Smitten Kitten and Summit. Steph Ash is in there. You should totally read this.


This one is not a highlight, not really a lowlight either: I couldn't sit still so I watched the show from the left door for a while. Then I went upstairs for a bit; I know the identity of the heckler! It wasn't me but I'll tell you who it was for a dollar! It was cute heckling actually. Then I went back downstairs and hung out by the right door. I tried to make sure my perambulations weren't noticeable or distracting to the audience or performers. I sat on the floor for a while.

It rained like a sumbitch on the way there and back. I think the power was out in part of St. Cloud, at least the traffic lights weren't working. It looked eerie. I was very tired and I kept thinking, did I make a wrong turn? Am I about to come up to the light at Clearwater Road or am I about to realize I'm in St. Augusta or somewhere totally random? Ah but that was a mere moment of doubt. Soon I knew I was in civilization and soon after that I was home.

A Slate writer's take on the state fair

Here it is. He sounds like he'd be fun to go with, huh?

Fun with e-mail forwarding

I just received the following e-mail forward from a very sweet, well-intentioned mother of an Iraq vet. This is the same lady who didn't want to even go into Starbucks after a similar e-mail a few years ago.

> > > Look who owns Target
...
"Recently we asked the local TARGET store to be a proud sponsor of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall during our spring recognition event. We received the following reply from the local TARGET management: "Veterans do not meet our area of giving. We only donate to the arts, social action groups, gay & lesbian causes, and education."
...
Then as I dig further, TARGET is a French-owned corporation. Now, I'm thinking again. If TARGET cannot support American Veterans, then why should my family and I support their stores by spending our hard earned American dollars! And,have their profits sent to France. Without the American Vets, where would France be today? "They, most likely would be speaking German and trading in Deutsch Marks"
Sincerely,
Dick Forrey
Veterans Helping Veterans
Please send this on to everyone you know to let Target know we don't need them either !

Yeah! You tell 'em! I replied to let her know that Target is, in fact, not French (the pronunciation Tar-zhay notwithstanding). Didn't really go into the rest of it. Didn't want to make her feel bad. Doesn't it sound like a joke right away? Them there Frenchies and their homo-loving agenda? But it was a real e-mail. Check out the full e-mail and background, including Dick Forrey's apology to Target if you like. http://www.dcmsoft.com/rumor/story/target.htm

How do you handle things like this? Some might send a reply telling the sender to fuck off and stop being so stupid. Not my style.
Also, she's not stupid, just susceptible to an error most of us are, I think.