The Aristocrats

I am excited to see this film. Here is the tagline from one ad: "No sex. No violence. Unspeakable obscenity." Begs the question, if it's unspeakable and it's all comedians telling their own versions of the same song, then are there props, flashcards, puppets?... anyway. I haven't seen any clips....oh, here's the website, the glossary. Hmm. Anal what? Maybe not. Then again, to hear Jerry Seinfeld tell the world's dirtiest joke would be worth the price of a movie ticket and a little nausea, all by itself.


This is more my speed.

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  Snappy Put Downs and Funny Insults by Joseph Rosenbloom. I got this book in elementary school. It was a very different edition and cover, though.
  
  Here are some of my personal favorites if anyone's looking for "that super squelch..that pithy putdown..that zesty zinger you heard on tv," to quote the back cover. Some of them are so old school. In my current addled, sleep deprived state, they sound like they could have been cribbed from a slow scene in "His Girl Friday" or a Tracy/Hepburn movie or a ripoff thereof. They range from inexplicable, to strangely mannered, to highlarious!
  
  You have what it takes. The only trouble is you've had it too long.
  Your mind needs changing. It's filthy.
  The last time I saw someone like you I had to pay admission. (dirty! My mind needs changing)
  You look wonderful. Who is your embalmer?
  You're a real bargain - 50% off.
  No wonder you have headaches. Your halo is on too tight.
  You're good-looking in a way. Away off!
  Have I met you somplace before? I sometimes get careless where I go.
  You're so conceited, you'd join the navy so the world could see you.
  The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
  Where have you been all my life - and when are you going back there?
  I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
  I don't know what I'd do without you. It's fun thinking about it.
  Tell me about yourself. I like horror stories.
  You have a good voice, if you don't happen to like music.
  Dracula would turn you down. He wants plasma, not asthma. (This one always confused me.)
  Some people are hard-boiled. You're just half-baked. (ha. if only.)
  If after a reasonable time, your speech doesn't strike oil, you'd better stop boring. (I get it, it just doesn't quite work. It lacks the necessary euphony for total zingitude.)
  You were such a homely baby, your parents sent you back and kept the stork.
  Have you been to the zoo lately? I mean, as a visitor?
  
  
  Hopefully this will help you guys out if you get into the dozens with anybody anytime soon.