hr nightmares, anyone?

Ok, I have two HR nightmares to share, one lame and one serious. I will get the lame one out of the way first.

I had to write this very typical administrative-drone email to someone today. Basically I had to tell him he couldn't do something he wanted to do because it's says in the policy not to do that, so there. It felt icky yet it truly had to be done. I know he's going to be pissed at me and might very well take it out on me or badmouth me to other staffers, even though he knows the policy bullshit is not something I can help him with. And I know that I have to take responsibility for handing out bad news from time to time. And I know that I'd much rather have this guy mad at me than deal with my boss being mad at me.

Let me tell ya, this was a great email. It went something like, "In regards to your request, unfortunately, at this time, under conditions on Earth as we know them, and per the policies and procedures handed down to us by the Wrathful Hand of Thor, we cannot do the thing you wanted to do. Please contact company President So&So to obtain special clearance in writing to override this policy and/or procedure, if you so wish. Good day to you, sir."


Here's the other thing that happened: Some guy called a couple of times looking for an employee, and the person he was looking for wasn't there, so I just said, they're not picking up, can I give them a message (I'm using singular "they" because I don't want to give out too much info, like I didn't want to give the guy too much either, more policy stuff!)

So he says ok, but then he calls back about half an hour later and asks for them again, and I'm thinking, hello stalker! but then he says, "None of his/her friends have heard from him/her in four days, we're really worried," so I take his number and call the person's manager & the HR director and well, a bunch of other people. It turns out the person left work early with some sort of personal or family emergency late last week and we haven't heard from them since. I don't know this person except to say hi in the hallway, but being the person I am & based on this guy's voice, I started worrying bunches. Wouldn't you?

And at the end of the day, this person's department director told me they still haven't gotten in touch with them. I'm sure it was nothing though, right? I hope this person is back tomorrow. I hope they call their friends and family and tell them they're all right. It's probably nothing. I hope I feel foolish tomorrow when it turns out I was worried over nothing. You guys can laugh at me, it's ok, just wait til tomorrow.

6 hours later

So after I got home this afternoon, I spent the rest of the day, up to about an hour ago, reading and reading. I haven't had such a reading binge in quite a while - as I was telling someone, since the last Harry Potter book came out (yes, I know how cool that makes me) - and I forgot how zoned out and slightly nauseous it can make a person feel.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day, ya'll

I discovered that today was Secretary's -- ahem, Administrative Professional's Day when a vendor brought in daisies. The fine folks at Manpower really know how to suck up! Nah, I'm kidding. It was nice. We're going to rotate the flowers to everybody's desk so we can all bask in the beauty. Plus it's a plant, not just cut flowers, so we should be able to keep it alive for a while.

I've been reading HR Nightmares on NBC's The Office website. Good stuff, fun times. I'm trying to think of something to post there, anybody got any ideas?

All it takes is positive thinking and a good mental outlook

Yeah, that is the shit! Oh, yes, I know, positive thinking and self-help books are a bunch of trite crap for the weak minded to buy into or something, but that is so the demagraphic to which I belong. Yes! If you think happy thoughts you will totally get rich, so join me, because I'm only half kidding with this.

goddamn

Do you ever feel like a purple unicorn next to a thought bubble that reads "Why?"?? Me too!

I can't believe I couldn't find a picture online of that unicorn painting from The Simpsons. If anybody sees it anywhere, let me know. This painting loses to Marge's painting at the big art show or something.

Why do I feel like the questioning unicorn? I don't know, I guess it's not so much the unicorn as the questioning part. Unicorns are awesome.

A bargain

Yesterday I went dress shopping with the gals, the college-era friends, doncha know. Then we went to see the new baby of T&J VB. Cute kid! His name is Nathan Michael and he has a shock of beautiful golden hair. It was great to hold him and we all marvelled and cooed over his precious little fingers and toes.......... then last night I had a dream about buying birth control pills in bulk! I remember they came to $6.48 a bottle, so I bought four or five bottles (yeah, in the dream they came in bottles with old-fashioned typed labels rather than the little discs/cases such pills actually come in). It was like, at these prices, I can't afford not to not ovulate! Definitely, I did not have "I wanna baby" fever, which I kinda thought I might when I was actually holding him. Has anyone else ever had a reaction like this? Maybe it was hearing the details of the labor. Uffda.

Seen any good movies lately?

How about that weather?

How's the job going?

The family doing ok?

Is this it?

Spring? Is it here yet? Better be.

A list of stuff I'm sick of hearing about

And I think everyone will agree.

-global warming: I get it. We're all doomed.
-the presidential election: If they could hold off on this shit for a year, that would be great. I'm scared that I'll be so burned out on all this garbage that on Election Day I'll get drunk and vote for Mitt Romney, because Mitt is an adorable name.
-Paris Hilton/Britney Spears/Nichole Richie/ all those other girls: Let me know if Paris Hilton goes to rehab instead of all her friends. Or if she goes to jail and gets shivved.
-How much money a movie made: I don't care.
-Please add your own suggestions: if you want to.

Great times

So, I emailed a co-worker a suggestion on how to improve a form, if it wouldn't be too much work. She replied "That's totally doable!"

Omigod, she made my day. I sprinted over to her desk and shrieked "So's your mom! HAHAHAHA!"

There are so few opportunities for great comedy at work these days. Mostly I just listen to NPR and compare the weather forcasts of the UPS, DHL and FedEx delivery people. So far DHL is most reliable. UPS is usually cautiously optimistic, and I think FedEx is a witch.

Emerging from the cocoon

Nah, that's not the metaphor I'm looking for. I definitely haven't turned into a butterfly. Anyway, I'm planning on blogging more in the future so I hope to see ya'll around. Yes, my plan to is get back into blogging more regularly. Except here's the problem: I'm still feeling a little blah and dumb. There's nothing really interesting to me. So I will look for something interesting and when I find it I shall post it here. But in the meantime, look for a lot of dream interpretation and two-sentence recaps of my day. Sorry.